Seizures...

Miyajima, Japan

The first time I had a seizure 10 years ago I thought I was dying... Seizures are the worst part of my life. In fact, they ruin my life. More than having a brain tumor.

I am lucky enough to get a warning sensation called an aura before most seizures. Maybe like 10 seconds - enough time to try and lie down, calm myself, and take an Atavin.  The seizures have happened in all different situations and places. During meetings at work, in my office, at home. They just happen and usually just randomly.

I even had a seizure right after I took this picture in Miyajima, Japan. I was enjoying myself with Ron and the boys and I felt one coming on. I stepped back from the waters edge and laid down on the sand. I'm not sure what causes them...the usual things include: stress, missing medicines, lack of sleep, alcohol, dehydration, oh and yeah, brain tumors. Seems rather strange to get one while looking at one of the most picturesque places in Japan

My aura starts with an overwhelming sense of fear, then I lose coordination in my right hand.

I know that everyone has seizures unique to them. My seizure begins with my head and right arm "pulling" to the right and I lose my ability to speak. If I don't lose consciousness, this continues for about 2 minutes, and then it's over. Then I get a feeling - ashamed, like I have done something wrong. I know that this is a ridiculous reaction/feeling since I have no control over it, but I can't help but feel sorry for those that have to see it. I've never seen a seizure, but I'm sure it is a scary thing for those that witness it. Finally, I feel really exhausted and out of sorts.

These smaller seizures are called simple partial seizures. I don't lose consciousness. The other type of seizures are when I shake uncontrollably and lose consciousness. These are Grand Mal Seizures...the worst!

The thought of the doctors TRYING to bring seizures on next week is beyond terrifying. But, I think it's the right thing to do.